Obligatory Depressing Back-to-School Post (that isn't really depressing)

The first week of September, and consequently, the first week of school is over and I was kindly reminded by my friend that I am required to make, in her words, "a depressing start of the school year post". I didn't realize this was a trend but if that's what expected of my then this is going to be the most uplifting, encouraging, spontaneous post I've ever created.

Once I figure out what it's about...

It's only been three days of class for me and it's no joke when I say I am already burned out. The fatigue! The self hate! The procrastination! It's all coming back full force, and what's worse is that it's senior year so ain't nobody got time for that. At the beginning of the summer I was so extremely worried about coming back to school. It was still like two months away but I just was freaking out, I did not want to go back there- to those hallways, those classrooms, those people. Making the same mistakes, the same bad jokes, the same...everything. I didn't want things to be the same because grade eleven...was a bad year, not gonna lie. But near the end of August, I want to a youth retreat with my church, and long story short, I came back home different. I was not the same person I was going in. I felt myself becoming something else and it was such a relief recognizing that I didn't have to be that person that I despised. I didn't have to continue being the person I despised. When I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, there was just peace that settled over my heart. I suddenly had the courage to say the words I was too nervous to say before, I was suddenly singing loudly not worried about how far my voice carried, and I knew that this confidence, this ability, is mine to keep. It's what was intended for me.

It's hard to get rid of old habits. I know I'm going to mess up again (I already am, chemistry homework who?) and I'm going to feel down again and fail again, but I'm trying to stop seeing every little mishap as a 1-step plan for the total destruction of the world. I've come to a realization that I have to think less of myself, not because I'm worthless but because that's the way to make God's glory known all the more. It's not that I don't value myself but that I value God's will, and the heart He has for others even more. I know I'm going to collapse into myself again sometimes, but now that I know how deceptive the voice is that is causing that, it'll be all the easier to get back up and come around again.

The Spirit is a fire and we have to keep it burning. All we have to do is tend to it and God will do all the rest.

Walking into school on the first day, things were different. Class of 2020. We're seniors now, top of the school, leaders...the future. This week alone I've talked to more people about university and programs than probably ever before. And while the topic used to make me angry and worried about the future, my paths are narrowing and things are finally starting to kind of figure themselves out. Who knows what's to come? God does, and so long as I'm with Him then there's literally nothing to worry about. I think now that's starting to finally sink in.

It's short, but I hope I've been able to articulate my thoughts well enough to get through to you. Good night, and stay salty.

- arcane

(trying out a new signature, is it weird? Maybe? A little? Just cause it sounds like r.k. kind of. OK maybe? Maybe not? Eh.)

#school