Senseless Ignorance

Have you heard?????

THE BREATH OF THE WILD SEQUEL WAS ANNOUNCED AT E3!!!

After hearing that announcement, I promptly changed my entire computer aesthetic from sunflowers and ginko leaves to Korok Forest and mummified corpses of long dead Gerudo mages lying underneath Hyrule Castle with Link and Zelda being the unfortunate souls to encounter it. Man, I'm so excited. Aside from all the theories already forming, I'm just so glad that my favourite game ever is getting a direct sequel taking place in the same universe. There was so much I wanted to do after saving Hyrule and if this adventure is anything like the last one but with the input of fans to the creators being heard from the last one, man am I excited for what's gonna happen.

Um, well, sorry for being absent for a whole... more than a month, cause now it's exam season and I really should be studying or something or finishing those projects because, damnit, the end of the school year is so close and looks like I'm falling into another slump just when I thought I could maybe get it through the rest of the year...every time this happens I have to wonder what exactly is wrong with me because nothing particularly tragic or difficult happened I just manage to blow up everything in my head out of proportion and I just don't know how to stop it. I used to think it a strange concept to despise yourself but now it's strange that there was a time when I didn't. Cause we all know the best and worst parts of ourselves, and for some people it's hard to see past all the faults, despite the redeemable qualities everyone else may see. We're the only people who know ourselves from the inside out and sometimes what we know is really hard to handle. I feel like I can't even trust myself and my own abilities anymore because I've failed myself and others so many times.

But something my mom told me a while ago was this: trust takes time to develop, just like in any relationship. And in a relationship with yourself, if that trust gets broken, the only thing you can do is build it up again. Develop habits. Make small promises and keep them.

You gotta be your own best friend.

I read a psalm today and some of the lines ended up sticking out to me. Psalm 73 reads (it's a bit long):

A psalm of Asaph. 1 Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.

2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. 3 For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

4 They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. 5 They are free from common human burdens; they are not plagued by human ills. 6 Therefore pride is their necklace; they clothe themselves with violence. 7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity; their evil imaginations have no limits. 8 They scoff, and speak with malice; with arrogance they threaten oppression. 9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven, and their tongues take possession of the earth. 10 Therefore their people turn to them and drink up waters in abundance. 11 They say, “How would God know? Does the Most High know anything?”

12 This is what the wicked are like— always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.

13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and have washed my hands in innocence. 14 All day long I have been afflicted, and every morning brings new punishments.

15 If I had spoken out like that, I would have betrayed your children. 16 When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply 17 till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.

18 Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin. 19 How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors! 20 They are like a dream when one awakes; when you arise, Lord, you will despise them as fantasies.

21 When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, 22 I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. 25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. 26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. 28 But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

Sometimes we wonder–is any of it really fair? This guy knows that feeling. That feeling of "is everything I do in vain? How much better would life be to not care?" To live lives contrary to what we were told. To rebel and yell and run, run away. Treading the fine line, foot slipping with no one to catch you when you fall.

But would it really be better? Apparently not. It's possible to continue on, it truly is. Since I'm really not doing what I'm supposed o be right now, I'll leave it at that. But I hope it can be remembered this fact. We can know God and we can learn from him, like a child and a parent, like a teacher and a student. We can receive his guidance and his knowledge. We can be loved.

I don't know where I'm going, I feel like I went on a tangent. But. Yeah.

See you around,

- r.k.