WHOOPS HAPPY NEW YEAR LAST-MINUTE JANUARY POST

My friend just reminded me that I haven't posted this month! And that won't do! So here's a post! 30 minutes left of January guys let's ROLLLL!!!

This past month has been...pretty wild, and also VERY fast. Exams are FINALLY over and semester 2 starts tomorrow (feel the excitement oozing out of my words...). In for a whole new class dynamic, whole new teachers, new projects, new anxieties and new challenges. But all the things we faced, all the things we struggled with last semester, they're behind us now. We live today.

My last post was kind of depressing so maybe an update is in order. Stuff was going on in my life that had all these pent up frustrations come bursting out and sort of just tainting my worldview. These dark spots aren't exactly gone just yet, in fact, they've sort of made a return recently. I'm just confused and angry for no reason at people that have done nothing wrong and it's just really confusing for me. It's hard remember the good things. The things to be thankful for, the small moments in life that make it all worthwhile. Things aren't even that bad it's just like, my mind feels locked almost. Constantly reminding me that something's wrong in everything and everyone, that things will only get worse. And the scariest realization I've come up with is that I have the ability to control things in my life. There are also things that I can't. But if I don't do anything about the things that are within my influence, then it really is all my fault. Gaining the courage, the will, the discipline to do what needs to be done...is so difficult. You see some people living their lives the best they can and you can't help but feel envious. The problem lies in you but you just don't know how to deal with it. I don't know, I just need some more time to think I guess.

Maybe instead of new year's resolutions that you just make and try to accomplish in the whole year, people just set attainable monthly goals that they can clearly see the end to? I think that would be pretty neat.

I think Chinese New Year is around the corner so HA I'm not too late for that now am I.

Gosh this post is a mess. I have a few poems backed up so I'll start posting those later this month. Hopefully I spend more time working on this this month.

Thanks faithful readers, keep on keeping on.