The Void

I will throw myself into the darkness

My music, my words,

Pitch them into the unknown,

Into nothing.

Because maybe that's all it ever meant

To you.

So send every drop of my spirit

Into the void.

Let the night pluck every story

Out of my throat,

Strip every melody

Out of my fingertips

Until there's nothing left for me to say.

Only then will you look back into the void

and wonder:

was it always so silent?

- r.k.

Don't you just hate not knowing what's wrong with you but knowing that it's all up to you to change how you're feeling but you're just so friggin' tired of everything and everyone that you just want it all to stop?

Sometimes I just feel like...like no one cares. That nothing I do matters. That everyone in my life will be better off without me. I mean, what have I done? I've wasted my parent money, I've been nothing but a burden. I'll never accomplish what they want of me. I'll never be able to pay them back.

What was I to my friends but a nuisance? Someone to have to constantly look out for? Someone that held them back from their growth? Someone that made them feel guilty for leaving behind? Don't feel guilty. I don't matter.

What was I to a school but another upcoming failure? What was I to a teacher but another mark in their book? What was I to a classmate but someone to avoid awkward conversation with? What was I to my project partners but a dead weight and an idiot?

I haven't changed any lives. Haven't saved any. No matter how much I wanted to I could just never be the person I wanted to be. This past week felt like a trial run to 'live my best self' and I still came crashing down. The slightest things set me off. A plan not going through. The million things overdue. And I could scream about it forever but god forbid anyone hear because then that's another thing I burden the world with.

I'll be fine.

Eventually.

Can't end it now.

Not while you can fold an origami jellyfish.

Yeah.

Origami jellyfish.