HAPPY JOUR D'AMOUR! // Oblivious Wings

duchess of scrawl
Feb 15, 2017
5 min read

I know I haven't posted in FOREVER and there's a lot to say but -

ohy my God I just got a notification from Cortana: "Roses are red. Violets are great. I can help plan a Valentine's date." Moment of silence for that masterful poetry right there.

- ANYways! As I was saying, I'm kind of sort of running on time and I've got homework backed up like an uncooperative digestive tract and it's just a MESS right now, what with all that's been a-buzz. Stressing of the future. What are you gonna be when you grow up. What's your education route? What university are you going to. How is everyone so athletic.

OK, well all in all, I've been pretty down lately. It's like, I haven't find something certain enough to put my attentions and passions towards. There are moments when I do something and in that time, it's the only thing I could dream of doing (i.e. playing with my orchestra and actually knowing the notes, stroke of genius when you solve that math problem correctly) but it's all pretty circumstantial. It's hard to find something you trust with your life. I didn't go to many extracurriculars as a kid, what little I did go to (piano, taekwondo, Korean school) I ended up quitting. Not intentionally. It was eleven-year old me's fault, honestly. If I actually thought about the future then maybe I wouldn't be so anxious now. THANKS ELEVEN YEAR-OLD ME.

But I can't really play the blame game here. Finding something to be passionate about...it's hard for anyone, but especially to those who don't think they're good at anything. Or like, mediocre in a bunch of things that are too numerous to really know what to do with any of it. I'm not incredibly gifted in music theory, I can't bow properly, I've never written a full story before and I can't run for my life. Which is a problem. Because if I'm literally running for my life I know my life's gon' end right there.

Athletics. Math. Social skills. All things I lack.

And then we look around us and see great people doing great things, smiling often, reading good books, having fun with friends, getting good grades, and you just think "how???"

But so what if I'm lacking. So what if you can't find the passion. Motivation is fleeting. Do what you do for the purpose of doing it. Do what you do for the purpose of knowing. It's cheesy to say that the only person you should compare yourself to is your past self, and honestly, that kind of thing never really helped me before. It's so hard not to look at other people and go "they're so much better than me." It hurts yourself when you see others excel and wish it were you instead. Because you want to be happy for them with all your heart, but selfishness often vetoes what you really want to do.

So what's there to do but learn to love. Love others. Love yourself. Love your enemies. Love God. All these people around you are here for a reason. You are here for a reason. You don't know that reason but you're here to find out. Everyone has the capacity to love. Everyone has the capacity to be kind. Everyone is loved. And though today was a day in which many celebrated eros, or the romantic love, it needs to be known that love is not just that. It's family. It's friendships. It's crushes as well as classmates. It's to have and to hold, it's neighbours and enemies, it's sometimes as simple as applause in the crowd or picking up something someone dropped. It's not much. But we can offer love in any way we can, So seize those chances. Because someday we won't be able to anymore.

If we learn to love, the way we are loved by God, then things that were once dark can be brought into the light. Things that were confusing and hard can be put into simple words and made understandable to the heart and the mind. And a worrywart like me in her indecisive glory may finally be able to stand up and speak her mind, unafraid, unashamed.

And what's Valentine's Day without without lame poetry!

I'm sorry, this sucks but:

OBLIVIOUS WINGS

Some things we see for mere seconds We see it We feel it We know that it’s there. But then suddenly It’s gone. Like that red-winged butterfly - Though you could never miss it while it flies, Vanishes when it lands.

My love swept down like a butterfly With bright red wings He flew But then all at once he disappeared Familiar ebbed into something entirely new She raised a hand He didn’t land So she continued off on her way Rejection by a butterfly She remembers it day by day

You flit You fly You soar the sky What he looked for, she could not know His wit His charm His smile They swarm Flew so far just to fall with the rain

Shook off course Her careful plan The bee that saw the butterfly He carried on his flight so free While she could barely breathe

Every day was a maybe A what if A wish Begging that he’d turn around It would come as a whisper from under her breath Above stutters that pierced through the ground.

No longer can she trust her eyes For superstitions have proved true

That red, red wing grazed past her hand And blinded her world view.

She took off in a hurry Heart racing fast - For once she’d move forward And never look back - But maybe you were never there at all

For fickle has her heart been to her eyes.

And maybe bold and passion she had thought Turned out to be confusion in disguise. But in that moment it didn't matter -

What the other people said.

She took a breath and flew after The love that flashed so red.

Who am I kidding

The world keeps deceiving

And I was entirely wrong.

A glance and a smile

"See you in a while"

Pain was all it prolonged.

So I’ve come to realize all we’re ever to be Is oblivious wings and distracted bumblebee.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Flowers will die

And so will you. (eventually. hopefully of natural causes. A premature death is a sad one.)

- r.k.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WROTE. IF YOU COULDN'T TELL THE LAST VERSE SHOULDN'T ACTUALLY BE THERE. IT SHOULD END WITH THE DISTRACTED BUMBLEBEE LINE. BUT I DUNNO ANYMORE, MAN. I GOTTA GO DO HOMEWORK NOW.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! KEEP ON LOVING!

HERE'S SOMETHING WAY MORE ELOQUENTLY PUT.