NANOWRIMO: DAY 12

It's midnight and I drank too much lemonade. Whelp...here's just a post. Because.

Entering this school year, a lot of things have changed. The environment, the people, the atmosphere. New teachers, new class organization - just everything is different. Two months can change a lot of things. It still astounds me how everything is different in just TWO MONTHS. Really gives you a sense of time, doesn't it?

And it's especially been difficult when, I feel like I'm not changing at all. Same hairstyle, even if it may be a bit shorter since last month (no one's probably noticed anyways), same clothes, same incredible indecisiveness and overly anxious brain. I'm just me. While "just me" sits here on her own, thousands of people walk past, often with no intention of really ever knowing you at all. There are just some people you can ignore and life would move on completely fine. There are some people who, if you said "Hi" to today could not affect a second of your future. Or they could turn it around completely.

That's thing thing with life. It's a story, and though you make the choices, you're not the one who writes it. It's like a master book or everyone who ever will, is, or was on this planet Earth and it's connected, cross referenced, sharing the same database of infinite knowledge to carefully plot out every strand of life that comes out the yarn ball, measured, and eventually cut.

(Ha, look at me, only twelve days in and this grueling novelling process it already breaking me.)

It's amazing how many problems you can sort out by simply getting your thoughts on the page. Sometimes I scare myself by looking at people as only possible characters to be toyed with rather than living breathing human beings that live a life as surreal as my own. I look at situations and write them down for later. I encounter a new thing and be like "Oh! This fits perfectly with this idea I had!" And writing is in my blood. But I've had one too many nosebleeds in my past that some of that blood has drained and left me wondering. Cause someday I will be expected to make important life decisions and the things I've always wanted, knowing my luck, will never work out. I don't know enough about anything. There is a universe of things I'll never know about and it brings me great discontent to know the secrets of the universe were never made to be held in my brain. It confuses me that doctors they heal and lawyers they protect and though they are both things I have a passion for, the job description just doesn't add up to me. I don't expect stars to align, but I just want to feel like I know what I'm doing for once because I really, really don't.

God please. In whatever way. In Your own time. Help my figure it out.

And so rise the existential crises of the Wrimos. Happy writing guys! This is actually a really great character monologue, dang that line though: There is a universe of things I'll never know about and it brings me great discontent to know the secrets of the universe were never made to be held in my brain.

Sorry, But sometimes you just gotta fangirl over your own words. It'll do you some good when you're feeling down. You're writing is amazing so don't give up! That was just alittlebitofrandom to thanks for reading, if you read to the end. Come back soon for more updates!

#writeon #alittlebitofrandom #nanowrimo2k16 #saltshakercity